When Daddy Walked Away!

Relating to all the aspect of what a father should be is sometimes difficult for me, because I grew up with a father who was abusive to my mother and was not there totally for the family. In spite of my father’s abusive tendencies and erratic behaviors, it’s amazing to me that I was always glad when he came home. There was just something about his presence that, in itself, brought a feeling of security and oneness, even though that was not the reality that existed.

At one point things got so bad at home that my mother decided she had enough of the abuse and she fled our island home of Jamaica and came to the US to live. Mom brought my younger brother with her and left me and my older brother in Jamaica with relatives. This was a very heartbreaking time of our lives and it took years before we saw our mom again, we knew the reason she had to leave, but we still missed her so much; it still hurts just thinking about that separation. Now, you would think this event have built up inside of me, a lot of hate and resentment for my father, but it did not, my brother and I still looked forward to seeing him.

While we lived with relatives, dad would come to visit us. Dad would cook, play games, make toys out of household products, bring me and my brother to the movies, take us hiking in the mountains and show us his art work. He did simple things that created strong bonds for years.

Wag Water River - St. Mary, Jamaica

When he visited us, we would go and explore the country side, we would pick fruits, check out the wild life and then we would go to a nearby river to swim. After a few minutes of swimming, my dad would go into the most frightening part of the river, the dreaded deep swirling section. We had enough sense not to venture into that area, because we could easily drown. After my dad had his few minutes of swimming by himself, he would come and pick us up and throw us into the “no swim zone”! and walk away! The first time he did it, we panicked so much and started to cry, splash and sink; dad would calmly come over and rescue us from certain death. We pleaded with him, “don’t do that again daddy! please! please! please!” Well he just smiled! For the first time, the little sense of security I had, started fading away and I did not understand his actions. Was he going crazy!?! What is he trying to do, hurt us!?!

A few months would pass before he returned to visit and this time when we went to the river to swim, we were more cautious. “It’s not going to happen to us this time!”, we would say to each other. As soon as we relaxed and start regaining trust, he would grab us and throw us in to the deep again, only to rescue us each time we panicked. The third time he did it, instead of panicking, our survival instincts kicked in and we swam out of the deep and dad was there to help us as we swam out.

After that experience, he did not grab us and throw us in the deep like we were expecting, instead, he went into the “no swim zone” and beckoned for us to come in with him. We said, “no daddy!, no daddy!”, but after a while, we decided to go in. We went cautiously into the deep with our dad and had the most fun we ever had. We were diving, splashing, and hanging on to his arms when we got tired. The “no swim zone” became our swim zone and we looked forward to swimming in the spot time and time again, even when dad was away.

I did not realize it then, but dad wanted to teach us how to swim in the deep, he wanted us to spend quality time with him. Our father is a tall man and he could not have any fun in the shallow areas of the river and there was a great gap between us as we swam. Now, we could swim together under his protective arms.

I learnt some valuable spiritual lessons as I reflected on this event over the years and you may see them already as you read each paragraph above:

When God Turns His Back, He is Not Deserting You

If you spend enough time in nature you will realize one trait with some animals, they tend to treat their young in some very peculiar ways at certain period of maturation. For example, a bird will bring her young out to the limb of a tree and push it off. At first glance, the mother’s action looks like a wicked act, but as you watch, the little chick starts to flap its wings and both mother and chick are now soaring away from the nest. The chick is now safe from the predators and can find food on it’s own. God may be preparing you for something bigger. When those difficult times come, place your trust in Him and He will carry you through.

God is Not Trying to Hurt you When He Walks Away

Sometimes we are in some dreadful situations in our lives and it seems as if God has turned his back on us and just left us in the deep. We  can learn how to deal with these situations when we experience them. Our hard journeys in life  gives us strength to face even bigger challenges. God is never too far away, He is always there to rescue us from danger!

God Desires to Spend Quality Time With You

God is always calling out to us to come and spend time with Him in those deep places of His Word. Most time we refuse God’s call, but until we throw away the shallow things in our lives and dare to step into the deep things of God, we may never come to know the full joy of being in the presence of our Father in heaven. God desires to spend quality  time with us, so that we can have fun, dive, splash and hang on to His powerful Words that reassures us. He made us and loves us and only wants the best for us, in this life and the life to come.

But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are the work of Your hand. ~ Isaiah 64:8

I think any boy that does not have the chance to interact with his father is missing out on something very vital to his development into a man, and his relationship with God. God is our heavenly Father and He placed fathers in our lives to reflect that special relationship and bond he wants to have with us. When we are born again in the Kingdom of God, we are considered adopted children of God and our “Abba” has no ulterior motives or hidden agendas. His desire is to express His love to us each day and into eternity.

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. ~ Romans 8:14-17

As you think about the relationship you had with your earthly father, you may wish that things could have been better, and for some it may not get better at all, but God commands us to honor our fathers. One of the ways you can honor them is to reflect upon the good things they did for you as a child. Are you still holding on to the bad things dad did when you were young? What are those conflicts you had that made you a better person today? These are just a few of the questions we must ask ourselves to  reach a point of forgiveness towards those dads who have walked away. Always remember that your “Abba” Father will never leave you or forsake you and continue to place all your trust in Him.