Struggling For A Sign of God’s Promises

For the last year I’ve been struggling with doubt off and on…from the little things to the big things. Some days I feel that nothing can shake my faith, and other days I feel nothing can make it continue. So recently I’ve been going to God asking Him questions about this and that, and why did this happen and why that didn’t happen, etc. I am determined to face this struggle head on and overcome it, rather than just let it make me drift away from trusting God.

God’s faithfulness is probably His most important attribute to me. I simply must know that He does not change, keeps His promises, does not mislead us, makes His will clear, guides us to His best at all times. And He has given me many promises concerning an issue I’ve been facing for quite sometime. All those promises add up and confirm each other in regard to what is God’s will and what He will do. Even then I still struggle with accepting it.

Around 11:30 AM today as I was walking to school I saw a cute little girl around the age of 3, which reminded me of God’s promises concerning the issue I am facing, and I simply could not go on guessing if God will do it or not, so I asked Him for a sign. The sign was that I would hear or read a sentence today that contains certain words, one starts with “E…”, and the other starts with “D…”, then He would confirm to me that those promises were really from Him.

I know this may not makes sense to you, but I didn’t spell the two words because some people might know what His promises are concerning them if knew what the two words were. And also, sometimes, well intending people try to arrange circumstances in our lives to do what they think is God’s will for us. That’s why nobody knows what those promises are so when they happen, then I will know it was the work of my Heavenly Father.

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,  your faithfulness to the skies. Psalm 36:5

By the time I came home in the evening I had completely forgotten about the sign I asked for, and I was more distraught with my faith than I have ever been because of something that happened (or rather, “didn’t happen”) today at school. I went to pray and then slept for an hour; my prayer was more like, “Speak Lord. Explain Lord. I don’t get this. Why did this happen? How will you fix this? Will you ever fix my inner being, I feel that something had broke in my heart and I simply can’t fix it? How will you ever bring the old me back? Will I ever feel as I felt before? You promised that you will heal the broken hearted….”

When I woke up I prayed a little bit too, then I went on my PC around 7:45 PM to check my flickr page. I saw a very pretty photo added from one of my favorite contacts. I clicked on the photo and there were two short sentences written in the description of the picture. I read them, and each sentence contained the two words I asked God for in the sign this morning!

My jaw opened and I was stunned! If they were common words like “is”, “who”, or expected words like “contrast”, “portrait”, etc., then I would’ve assumed they were “accidental”! But the two words I asked for dealt directly with God’s promises concerning that very important issue to me. One of the two words is a name and it was there twice in two sentences! I was speechless!

I will let you know the full story when God brings His promises to pass, but that might not happen in few years; that’s why I wrote this in the first place to have a reminder of God’s faithfulness. Today’s date is Wednesday, May 7, 2008.

I will leave you for now with this song:

Your Love Oh Lord

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean’s tide

I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings

PS: Signs can be tricky, and they may confuse us and therefore weaken our faith. We have the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and that’s more than enough to be able to discern God’s will and hear His voice. However, we cannot exclude God speaking to us through signs because He has done so in the Bible many times.