I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things I find my hope, security and strength in. Its easy to say I have faith in God, that He’s in control, that He loves me, that I can do all things through His strength and that His grace is always sufficient for the day. However, how does that play out in the day to day? To illustrate I’ll share how my week went and perhaps give you some insight into why this has been on my heart.
My week usually starts on Tuesday, or at least the beginning of the work week does. The alarm goes off at 3:10 am and usually, if I’ve gone to bed early, its not so bad, I’m well rested and ready to go. I get up, get dressed, and jump into the Jeep to head off to do my thing for Pepsi. I turn my music on and sing praises all the way, things are usually looking bright. This week especially was going to be a great week, things have been slowing down, it looked like I was going to be able to relax, kick back, and just enjoy some much needed regular hours. However, it was not to be, I checked in at the plant, and drove down to my first store, joyful and full of praise to God for my uncommon good attitude.
I parked the Jeep in the usual spot, hop out, step inside, stride on over to the pop aisle, stop. Horrified! Overcome with a sense of anger, grief and disbelief, and so my joy was gone, just like the pop on the shelves, racks and rows. I couldn’t believe what I saw, no pop. 2 liters? Gone. 12 packs? Only half full. 6 Packs? Empty. Cubes? What cubes? The displays? Blown. Not one to let the moment get me down, I searched for reason, for hope, a stronghold for my angry and disappointed soul. “Ah,” I said, “the night guy must not have come in, at least this will be the only store this bad.” So, with a new hope, secured and set, I got to work, and I worked hard. Off to the next store, relieved that, even if it is a little blown, I do have help coming from another guy meeting me down there.
I pulled in, once again feeling chipper and ready to take on the challenges, thanking God that I can find good, even in the bad. Walk in, not quite so fast, and gaze upon a nightmare, blown shelves and no help at all. Anger swells and I stamp out to the store floor, one pallet after another, 2 liter after 2 liter, 12 pack after 12 pack, praying no one gets under my skin, ’cause I might just loose my temper. Done, ready to leave, as I’m heading out the door my help shows up, thoughts rage in my head and words fill my mouth. I swallow them and coldly walk out. I then head back to my first store to work my truck, slowly cooling off, glad that it won’t be a big truck, I don’t need that much after all the work I did that morning. Its getting late though, and all I want to do is go home and finish this awful day. Park the Jeep, sit and eat lunch. Slowly crawl out, “just go knock it out real fast. Then you’ll be all done for the day.”
I walked in, swing around to the back and almost loose my eyes to the floor. Six pallets! “Are you kidding me?” Anger floods again, along with a slight desire to get even somehow, ’cause this has just gone to far. It can take an hour to run just two pallet. Six? It took me 3.5 hours, but at least I didn’t have to work tomorrow, I could rest, its just been a bad day, cool off, relax, it could have been worse. The boss comes in, thoughts fill me mind, words fill my mouth, I swallow them again. He asks me if I can work tomorrow, I narrowly escape loosing my tongue. “Guess so, if you really need me.” “I really need you, thanks.” “Sure.” Hope slips away, replaced with disdain, and even anger, at everyone and everything. I feel like yelling at everyone buying pop off the shelves. I leave, clock out, and head home.
Night comes, time to rest, while laying in my bed my thoughts turn to God, guilt floods my mind, I’m so weary, I fight it and pour out my soul in a plea for forgiveness. Acknowledging my sin, and confessing it, not just the anger and evil thoughts but much more for the false hope and security. I fall asleep praying. The Alarm Rings! I get up and start again, very tired, but my thoughts turn to God, there’s no other place to go, I know its gonna be bad, its gonna be rough, but I seek the face of God and plead for His help, that my hope would be in Him and not in easy work or short hours. It was a bad day, more work than the day before, my feet are hurting but I did have some good help and tomorrow should be the last day since I worked this extra day so that will help. I get home, fall asleep pretty quick.
The alarm rings!, my eyes won’t open, so I get dressed with my eyes closed, luckily they open before I start driving. I head over to my first store, doesn’t look too bad and I won’t be getting any trucks at my other stores, it should be a great day. I finished up my other stores, my boss said, shouldn’t be bad, maybe 2 or 3 pallets. I walk back in, ready to knock it out and praise God all the way. 8 pallets greet my eyes and laugh in my face. I grab my phone, ready to let my boss have it. I put it back, I wait, grab a jack and divert my anger to speed.
Meanwhile God is yelling my ear, “Here I am Tyler, come! Your dying of thirst, drink! You starving, eat! You need a hope that doesn’t fail. This is all temporary, a mere shadow, I want to use this to break your defenses, not build them up. Don’t miss it, find me!” I weaken, I pray, I work, the walls fall, I finish. I clock out and called my boss to thank him for the order and touch base. He asks me to work again tomorrow. “Excuse me?” “I’m really going to need all my ducks in a row.” “…” “God please help me, I can’… do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” “I’ll be there, bright and early.” “Thanks, I really appreciate it.”
I sing all the way home, joy has flooded me, my body is tired but my heart is full. I get to bed at 7:30 pm. The alarm rings!!, my eyes pop open, I feel strangely awake, tired, but eager to test the Lord. Off to work, it was hard, the boss had me running all over the place, I worked a lot of pop, but God was good and He never let me down. He filled me, sustained me, and my hope has found a resting place.
I am very tired physically, but so joyful in the Lord for His pursuit of my affections this week. Its so easy to place our security and hope in weekends, easy days, vacations, money, friends, good food, beds, late mornings, favorite games or hobbies. To say, “I can get through today, I got “such and such” to look forward to.” If we live like this though, are we not missing out on most of the Christian life? The trusting of God, the falling upon His strength, the lifting of our Spirits, supernaturally as it were, from the pits of our despair?
“O Father, break my hope in worldly things, they have really let me down this week, replace the joy and strength I have found in looking forward to warm beds, easy days, and the weekend with your own presence and grace. I am saved Lord! Forgiven from all of my sin and promised a place in an eternal dwelling place next door to the Living God, what should ever upset or displace such a hope and joy? I have sinned so terribly this week in my anger and idolatry but God your love is strong and your blood is an ocean, deep and wide, sufficient to cover all my sin. I am so unworthy of the sacrifice you made Lord, yet I accept the gift by faith and now I long to live in love with you. Place eternity on my eyes and embed it into my mind, that I may see all things and weigh all matters in the light of spending all of forever with You.” -Tyler
One thought on “In Need of a Hope that Doesn’t Fail”
Your story makes me laugh and at the same time I swell up inside with joy. I laugh because, I have been through practically the same thing, when I worked at a Supermarket as a stock clerk, some days would really be tough and testing to my faith, but I swell up inside my heart for joy because in those rough times is when I really found out what I am made of and how the Holy Spirit is right there beside me guiding and strengthening as the day passes, there are so many lessons to be learnt from your story, thanks for sharing this with us Tyler 🙂