Hope Beyond All Hope

Today I’m going to tell you a part of my testimony that I’ve hidden for a long time. I hid it because of pride, guilt, and shame. I hid it because that was exactly what Satan told me to do. That way I’d become a useless Christian immobilized by my own actions. I was ashamed that my life didn’t reflect the promises in Romans 6:6-7 “We know that our old life died with Christ on the cross so that our sinful selves would have no power over us and we would not be slaves to sin. Anyone who has died is made free from sin’s control.” Boy, that sure didn’t reflect my life…

You see for more than 10 years (I honestly can’t remember when it began) I had an addiction to pornography and masturbation. These are two of my least favorite words in the world, the very words themselves sound unclean. For years and years I struggled, I would even go as far as begging God to take these desires from me. It never happened. I would turn to these addictions for relief, to escape the stress of life and school. I would get so frustrated and I would wonder why. Why did I struggle with these things if I was a Christian? Why can’t I stop? Why are those words in the Bible if they aren’t true for my life?

Hope Beyond All Hope by Brandon Peters

And do you know why I couldn’t overcome them? It was because I was trying to resist temptation. I was trying to overcome. I never actually opened my heart, I never let God do His work in me. When I was at Bible school I really felt a strong conviction to tell someone, I knew that if I wanted to be free that this was the first step. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done, Satan kept telling me that I could do it on my own. Eventually I told my best friend, Justin Thomae, and a few others at school. At school I experienced freedom like never before, largely in part to the controlled environment, but it was still glorious. Then I returned home, I told myself that after 3 months of freedom that I wouldn’t stumble and that I’d be able to remain pure.

That didn’t last long. Things were difficult after school, I came back to some not so nice circumstances. Satan was waiting to comfort me and I took the bait. This time I didn’t tell anyone and as long as nobody asked I didn’t even have to lie. Now we pick up with a story that many of you have already read about, my trip to California. After that trip I knew that I had to change, I didn’t like what was inside of me. This meant lots of prayer and some spiritual warfare, it was not a happy time. But after a week or so of just talking to God and asking Him to change me it happened. It was a clear change. I woke up on Sunday, March 5th and I felt a joy inside that was more powerful than anything I’d felt before. I knew I was free, that I was a new creation in Christ.

I know that many people will think I’m crazy, that I’m stupid for telling the world that I was addicted to pornography and that I should be embarrassed. Some of you may even be embarrassed for me. You know what? I don’t care. It doesn’t matter what other people think of me because I’ve got God. When you experience true freedom you only want to help others to get to the same place. Please, don’t think for one minute that my testimony is about me, if you do so it defeats the whole purpose. It’s all about God, all I had to do was truly surrender my heart and He brought all the change. He changed the desires of my heart and He gave me courage to tell this story. If you are struggling with these things and you need someone to talk to please talk to someone you trust. I’ve been there and I promise that this isn’t something that you can do on your own.

On this side of things I realize just how severe this sin is, here is a verse that we need to take very seriously,

“For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” Ephesians 5:5

Please don’t wait until it’s too late, you can’t spend an eternity in Hell for this.