Today’s testimony is brought to you by an anonymous friend, she has been a great encouragement to me and is an inspirational woman of faith.
Testimony
My siblings and I were raised by a single mother and the occasional step-dad (around three years in total with that guy). We moved a lot and rarely stayed in one place too long; I think four years may have been the longest. We were always either in trailer courts or government subsidized housing in the urban, inner city or suburban ghettos. We were rarely supervised so life was free and without rules, so trouble and/or bad choices seem to ensue where ever I lived. I can now laugh with my siblings and proclaim that we were truly feral animals.
Due to this environment I learned a lot about how to survive mentally and physically. I did a lot of fighting growing up to keep the boys at bay and survive the streets, along with fighting my siblings when a disagreement arose only because we were never taught how to resolve issues or even cultivate and/or appreciate what relationships we had together. You had to fight to get what you wanted because no one was going to give it to you otherwise. This has created a lot of problems between the three of us as we’ve grown and are still trying to overcome that childhood.
By the time I was a teenager I had experimented with cigarettes, pot, alcohol, sex and other hardcore drugs to dull the ache inside. I was abandoned by the time I was 16 to raise myself and survive the life that was created. I had to drop out of high school, continue to work (I stared working at the age of 12) and carve a life out of the chaos of that world.
Wapiti Lake, near Jaffray BC by Brandon Peters
Now that I’ve painted a brief picture of the beginning of my journey let me tell you that I was baptized at 8 and attended church with friends or when my mother felt like I should go. By the time I was a teen I no longer listened to what my mother thought and didn’t step foot inside a church until I was around 23. I remember enjoying parts of church but dreading so much more. Not having a father growing up left me feeling like God was this distant entity that couldn’t possibly care about me, and religion was nothing more than people grasping on to a set of laws in order to keep themselves in balance, give them the security they needed to live their lives. I thought it was such a bunch of crap.
I met my now husband when I was 23. He grew up in the church and had a wonderful relationship with his family. I was accepted by them all and shown how to love by their actions and not by their words. By the time we got married (in the church even though I wanted to elope to Las Vegas) I’d made the jump by joining his denomination of the church. I joined half heartedly but so desperately wanted to be a part of this amazing family that I would have probably done anything. Fast forward to the birth of our first child and something inside of me exploded. The experience of child birth is a miracle in itself, but the love I felt was so overwhelming. At that moment I started my search for Christ and His love. If I felt this way about my child then wouldn’t that mean that Christ loves me just as much?
I am now in my forties, married to the same wonderful man (and his family) and we have this amazing family. Sometimes I hurt for the lost little girl that wanted to be loved so badly but most of the time I’m just thankful that somewhere in that journey He decided I was His and that I will know Him and I will feel His love.
I have come to realize that to know Him is to have a relationship with Him, and just going to church wasn’t going to cut it. I now attend regularly in order to plant the seed of love in the hearts of my children because I believe that is exactly what kept me from falling as a youth, but I find Him in scripture, worshiping, prayer and photography. He is omnipresent, just look through your lens and you’ll see.
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”-Galatians 2:20
4 thoughts on “Carving A Life Out of Chaos”
Beautiful piece of Photography. Vivid and amazing.
WOW! POWERFUL. Funny you think no one ever thinks like you. I wonder why God has done what He has done in my own life. No words to illustrate my worthiness…I’m not. This women’s testimony is beautiful and makes one think there is a soul out there going through the same thing…let’s intercede.
Oh what a powerful testimony of the wonderful grace of God, he continues to show me how much he loves me in ways that most times surprises me and I ask myself.. why Lord? Why? do you love me so much?
What a testimony to the power of love! With the early personal history so bleak, adulthood is usually pretty difficult simply because some of the vital relationship skills have not been developed. To marry into a tribe of loving people is blessing from Heaven!